Thursday, January 21, 2010

If I could blink my eyes and make it better

     This has been one of the hardest days of my life, I have the most wonderful mother on this planet, I could not ask for more, there's not one thing I can think of that I would change about my mom, or add to her!
     She had breast cancer about 2 years ago, she beat it, she has the most amazing faith I have ever seen out of anyone, she had a huge brain tumor before, she was prayed for, and she believed that she was healed, she went back to the doctors that she had been seeing that had done mulitple cat scans, they had all the proof in the world that she most definatly had a big brain tumor. She just knew that she knew she was healed, but she decided she was going to go back for confirmation. To say that the doctors in Lexington,Ky thought that the brain tumor had definatly gotten to her, was putting it mildly, upon my mom informing one of the doctors that she had been healed and that she knew the brain tumor was gone, he was pretty calm about it all, he said ok lady what ever you say. Well they done another scan, and it was gone, they could barely believe their eyes, they done another, they compared the old ones with the very visible tumor, then they looked at the new one beside of it, totally tumor free!
     then as I mentioned before a couple of years ago, she got breast cancer, and again I never saw her panic, it was at a time when my mind was everywhere, I had some major problems going on in my life. I was not there for her like I should have been, but she faced it like she faces everything, head on in constant prayer, believing that God's will be done, He's in control and she just puts it all in his hands!
     I hope she knows the impact she has had on my life, seeing her never ever lose her faith in her precious Lord, always believing that He will work it out, that the most important thing in this world is His will being done, and IT IS!!
      A few weeks ago she had to get a PET scan, the doctor told her that day that if anything showed up he would call by that friday, this was on a tuesday. He didn't call by that friday, he didn't call by the next friday, we took that as a good sign, mom said no news is good news. She went to her regular doctor she asked mom if she had heard from him, mom told her she had not, she said well didn't you call? Mom said no I didn't want to, if something had been wrong he would have called me. That was not good enough for her doctor, she said she would try to get ahold of them and find out how the scan went. That's when we find out that doctor had went out of town and hadn't even read the scan yet! I think that is so wrong, he told my mom that if anything showed up he would call her by that friday, and then he takes off, goes out of town without even looking at her scan. I think thats so frigging unprofessional! So he obviously gets back and reads it, they call today, there was some things that showed up in the bones on her back, alot of stuff. They have not said for certain that its cancer, but mom thinks thats what the doctor thinks it is, they want her to go to Kingsport to find out for sure, and then start radiation, if it is cancer. I hate this mom has been having so much pain in her back, so  now we know the reason, I just pray it doesn't come back cancer!
     She is going about it the same as every possible fatal thing that has ever happened to her, believing that God will work it out, its amazing how she just always looks to Him for the answer, its the kind of faith we are all suppose to have that believe in Jesus, that know He died on the cross for our sins. I am one of those people that totally believe's that and I have learned how to believe and have faith from my mom.
      This is so hard for me, I have never really lost anyone that's close to me, except when I was young my father died, but I was at the age where I just don't really remember him. My mom is all I have ever had, I love her so much, before I had children, I use to say I want to die before my mom, I can't imagine living without her ever!! I have not said it since I have had two little girls, the doctor that told me I would never have children was extremely wrong, I got pregnant with my first one at 34 and the second at 38.
     My mom wants me to live as long as possible now, she knows these girls would be in a mess without me, we've dicussed the options, its not good! They would be split up,one raised here and the other raised there, so for my mom who worries about my girls as her own, I am trying to get healthy and change my entire living habits, so that I can stay with them as long as possible and to relieve some stress off of mom. I don't want her to have to worry about anything right now, as she told me what the doctor said on the phone, she just keep saying we just have to turn it over to God, and it will be ok, just pray and believe that He will work this out for His glory.
     I just want them to say its not cancer! I want them to say its something we can take care of with medicine or surgery, even though I don't want her to have to go through another surgery, she has had a few in her lifetime, but anything is better than cancer, where you never hear a doctor say we can take care of this, we can fix it, everythings going to be fine.
     The only choice I have at this  time is to put to use what she has taught me for years, believe, trust, look to God with blind faith, know that He will do what is best, even if we don't understand it right then, He does everything for a reason, and all of His reasons are good reasons. I have to show my daughters what my mom has shown me all of my life, when people told her to give up on me, to just shut the door on her daughter and get her completely out of her life, my mom didn't do that, she prayed and believed God that He had total control of the situation, He was going to bring all of her children back into right standing with Him. I never saw her waver, I never had her give up on me, she never turned me away, now I will never turn my away, for no reason, never will this mommy say ok that's it, I have had it with you, I want you out of my life, and then brag to others that I am just showing tough love. I will be there for them always, no matter how many mistakes they may make, I will be there with my arms open to hug them when they need it, to straighten their lifes out when they see that its time. I will totally believe God in every area of my life, trust him with my daughters and my life from this moment on.
     Right now I totally trust Him to work this situation out, to heal her, to love her, to take her pain. I will trust him no matter the outcome, I will believe that He has a reason for everything, even if I don't understand it at the moment, I know that His reason's are always good reason's. I know that if He does decide to take her home that I will miss her and never ever will my life be the same, but I also know to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. She has lived her life in front of us all, never being ashamed of Him, never being ashamed of being a Christian. She has showed me unconditional love my whole life,now I will show my children unconditional love, she has shown me how to serve the Lord with all of my heart and soul.

     I will one day be in heaven, one day I will never have to worry about losing someone I love again. I will be with my loved ones, in a place where there is no sorrow, no death, no tears. Until then I will grow daily in the knowledge and wisdom of the Lord knowing I got the strongest foundation I could have possibly gotten from a woman who loved Jesus with all of her heart and showed me how to live in her foot steps!
     I love you so much mom, I don't want to even imagine my life without you, you have been the best mom ever, I couldn't have asked for anything more, a job well done, and someday though I hope its a day way off from now, I know you will hear, enter in thou good and faithful servant!
      Thats our hope, this life here is so short, its gone in a fleeting moment, our hope is that we touch those around us and that they see Jesus and not us, that well help one that is in pain, that we feed one that is hungry, that we clothe one that is without clothes, that we lead them all to know the awesomeness of Jesus.
 For we are not of this place, we are visitors here on this earth, our home our true home is with Jesus for eternity. There is no time there just sheer love and happiness, we know that the most important thing here is not the treasures we lay up here, but the treasures we lay up in heaven. Our goal is to please our heavenly Father!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Away we go

     I know its been a while, trying to get ajusted to taking college classes after what 20 some years. Its been an adventure so far, from WOW I really, really like this, to oh man what have I got myself into, a range of emotions, but in the end, I am so excited, I think I have found something that I not only will love doing, but I really believe I will be one of the best at Web Design, I get into this kinda stuff, I love when I know that I can do something thats complicated, and if someone has a problem, that I can go in myself and look around and figure it out, and were talking these are problems that may take hours and days to figure out, but oh the sense of accomplishment when your done!! Its just thrilling to me, some people would hate doing this, the thoughts of writing code, paragraphs of it, just to get a  couple of sentences on a page, would bore them to death, but for me it keeps me totally imersed in something, I shouldn't have down time with it, there will probably always be code that needs to  be written in this field, no getting off into my own mind to think to long and hard about anything!!! Just the way I like it baby!
     The demands of working or college classes and raising children all in the same room? It has the same drawbacks as all work at home moms have, you never have alone time, if you get to go off to an office, you are at least escaping for a while. Where you can concentrate on your work, have peace and quiet to do the best possible work you can, I am a firm believer in work like you don't need the money, and dance like no one's watching!
Its just as hard going to school at home-online, but when circumstances call for it, they just do. I am glad we at least have that option now. I try to study and sometimes I have to jump up every few minutes, I get aggravated, then sometimes Tom takes Jada to the store while Raina spends the night at nanny's and I get hours of quiet study. I think in the end the good out weighs the bad, I don't have to pay for daycare, transportation, lunch etc.
I might as well get use to juggling the kids and some type of work, I will be working from home after I graduate anyway.That was the whole point when I started this, to be able to stay at home with my husband because his hearts so very bad, hes not suppose to ever be alone, the doctors don't say if his heart stops they say when his heart stops, you will have a hour to get him to the ER.
      Things are very tight, tighter than I have ever had to deal with, Tom's mom helps him, my mom helps me, if it were not for that I don't know what would have become of us up to this point. I know that the weight of this families future is on my shoulders, its very heavy, it does depress me at times. I have two beautiful girls that make it worth getting up and fighting another day, you think if you work all of your life like my husband Tom did, that you get to rest and have a little,NOT!! For those of you that's having to live on Social Security Disablity then you know totally what I mean, I am currently raising a family of four on less than what a single household's guidelines are. That's why I can't allow myself to drown in this, my girls are depending on me, they hate our house, its so little, not near the room that we need. The day I enrolled for classes, I explained to them that mommy may not be able to play with them as often, but I would surely miss it, I was going to try to go to school at home so I could provide us with a house that actually fits us,lol.
My oldest daughter who is 7 went and got a home decorating book and circled all the things she thought would look nice in our new house someday, oh I pray the Lord blesses this venture I have decided to take, I don't want to ever,ever,disappoint them.
     I will keep everyone posted on this awesome new road Im taking, wow, back to school at 41, pray people pray.
and please comment, tell me what you think??

Saturday, January 9, 2010

I DID IT! Back to school for a 41 year old mom

I got my 1st lessons in the mail today, I am so friggin excited!!
I am taking a career course in Web Design, the college I'm going to online is Ashworth, they are nationally accredited, and oh so very helpful, there's a 24/7 number you can call for help(student services). They send plenty of lessons you can choose to get the workbooks at home, which is what I did, I have two girls and figured it would better for me to work at my pace, or you can take the courses online then you have a timeline to finish which would be great also if your bad to procrastinate,lol. If you chose workbooks at home you can still turn in your exams online, that way they can get lessons right out to you, so that you don't run out of study material. If your interested in taking college classes for as little as $29 dollars a month let me know, I'll give you a 1 800 number so that you save $50.00 dollars on your tuition! They have career courses and also you can get your associates degree or bachlors degree's too!!!! I will go ahead and give you the number in case you just want to check it out, but if you do decide to enroll dont forget to give them my name and Id number so that you will save $50 bucks, I dont know about you, but thats alot to me!!!
      So as I work towards my goals for this year, I am very excited that I have followed through with one of them, still have plenty to work on, but plan on accomplishing each and everyone!
1. Get a closer relationship with God
2. Get up early everyday
3. Return to school, even if I have to do online classes
4. write down my goals ( which I have never done before)
5. Fit quality time in with the girls with all these new goals that I have set for myself.
6. start an exercise program
7. Lose 50 pounds this year 2010
8. Go over and help my m0m more, she's not feeling good, she's always been there for me when I needed her, and I will be there for her when she needs me.
9. Work on my marriage, and if it looks as though it more harmful to me and the girls to be married, then get a divorce this year, or at least seperation. 2010
10. Pray and study the word of God much, much, more.
11. get a Iphone or a Ipod this year, 2010

Ok so there's some of my goals, the life coaches all say start little, nothing overwhelming, so I did, some stuff on that list just has to be addressed, my husband doesn't like my girl that I had when I met him, the problem is that Tom and I also have a daughter, so if I let him stay it hurts Raina my 6yr.old and if I make him leave it hurts Jada, she's very attached to her daddy, he makes a very big difference, it hurts me so much to see him hurt my Raina, but I also saw what Raina went through when her Dad left, it completely changed her, she was a daddy's girl too, just like Jada is now with Tom.
Something has to give though, he's not going to hurt my
Raina, she feels unloved while watching him dote on Jada and tell her that she's his life!

     I feel much better since starting college classes, I know if anything does happen between us that I will be able to provide for these girls, thats alot of the reason I have let it go so long, I knew I couldn't provide for my sweet angels by myself, so watch out DH, mom's getting some!
change or get out!!!!

      Anyway, I just thought if anyone's keeping up, or making goals themselves, then I am willing to team up  with you and we can encourage each other when it seems to hard, everyone has those days, and everyone that has college degrees and is very successful right now had those days too, but they didn't give up and I am not going to give up either, holler at your girl, I will do everything I can to help you reach your goals too, or if you just need another woman to talk to I'm here or add me to your Yahoo IM if you have it, my id is
ok if you would like to talk to someone about college classes, how to get started, how long you have to wait on books, or how the course is, I will tell you everything I know as I go.
                              checking out my friends, blessings to you all!!!!!! Vanessa

Ashworth College: call toll free1-800-242-6512
if you decide to enroll
give them my name Vanessa Jordan and my ID#
and they will take $50.00 dollars off your tuition!!! ( plus they will send me a $50.00 dollar check, very much needed:)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Hello everyone,

I have been listening to some amazing pod casts, Mommy Company, Careers from the Kitchen Table, Manic Mommies, and Moms Talk Network, all pod casts that I found at itunes, they are absolutely free, just go to the itunes store, click on pod casts, then you will find a list of all the podcast that they have, from kids and family where I found Manic Mommies which is absolutely the funnest of all the pod casts, the others are under business.

I have been listening to all kinds of advice from other moms, experts, and women out in the workforce talking about ways to get traffic to your website if you are working with affiliate marketing.

I'm ready to take this to another level, I'm checking into doing pod casts myself, I am doing everything I can to help other moms that have to take on so many mantels today, the kids need mommy home with them, then there's the demand on mothers everywhere to earn a income for the family also, and of course the demand on so many single moms to be dad too!

Women are amazing with what we have to take on for the sake of our kids, I believe I can do anything, succeed at anything for the sake of my precious children, I know that you moms out there feel the same, I know that we can do this together, there's no reason for a mom to have to struggle today, we can help each other reach our goals, the company that I work for rewards you for helping others reach new, higher, levels!

But no matter what company you choose to go with, I will do everything in my power to help you succeed, I'm so tired of moms struggling, no money to pay for the things we want for children!

There is power in numbers, if we band together we can and will accomplish all of our dreams!

There's so many people that are out there to hurt us, to run crazy scams on us, if we partner up, then their days of getting us is over! We can turn to each other for advice, help, guidance, and leadership!

I think its time we take a stand, band together, and tell the world " were here, were going to succeed, were smart and powerful, we have taken control of our lives and our children's lives, we can together make all of our dreams come true, we don't have to struggle anymore, I have seen enough men head out on any vacation that they want too, go where they want to , spend what they want to!

I want to see all of us moms take our children where we want to, book any vacation that we've ever dreamed of, buy homes for us and our children, buy what car we want, buy the clothes, the jewelry, what ever our dreams are, I want to see each and everyone of us reach them!

Reaching for the stars has become a impossible feat for those of us who have scrapped and fought for every little thing we get for our children, but not anymore, i want to encourage each and every mother out there that has forgotten how to dream, how to reach for the stars, to learn how to dream again, learn how to reach for the stars again! For our children we can do this, we will do this, just take the chance, what do we really have to lose? Poverty, sadness, depression, not ever having enough, not ever being where we want to be?

I've had all of that , that I can stand, my kids are worth me fighting to the death for a better life for them, I am worth it too!

I am on the road to financial success, health, happiness, and living out my dreams, my kids living theirs, come along with me, partner with me, strength in numbers!! Ladies we can do this, all it takes is determination, the will to survive, and the natural ability that all mothers have to just DO IT!!!

contact me at

check out my site at

leave me comment and your email we will get together and succeed together!!!!

What do you think of the reality shows?

     I love watching reality shows, I watch my favorites season in and season out, The Housewives of Ny,Ga,NJ, and Orange County! I watch Launch My Line some, I've watched different people supposedly finding love....hummm.....
     I love them, the people still don't seem like everyday people to me, my friends are not socialites, or rockers, or whatever, but we are real thats for sure. I do get a little muffed that the people they choose for housewives already seem to have all the money they need, why not find some real everyday housewives that could really use that extra stream of money, I'm sure we could find a good use for it couldn't you girls? Lol!!
     I would love to ask you though, could we do the things they have them do? What would you do for money, where would your limit be? I would love to have the opportunity to help my family, I could just imagine, life in Eastern,Ky....
I'm sorry but they would probably try to go out of their way to make us seem like backwoods hicks, that don't have a tooth between us, so maybe not such a good idea????????
     "Girl don't you know that sluts cuckling ya? shore enough she is, she done went out with your man, its the truth I swear girl, you needing to knock some sense into that piece of holler trash, shewwwee, we gonna kick some trashy ass tonight Nessa's man done been cheating on her with a two bit, no good fer nothin holler scank!!!!
      Oh ok on second thought lets not do a Housewives of Ky!!
but really give me some of your idea's for a reality show, tell me what you think they should do, or who they should spotlight and what you think would be good fodder for a reality show, or just share with me which one is your favorite, 2nd and 3rd place of your best all over reality show.
     Ok, I know this is a little off course from my usual writting, but was just watching alot of reality shows, (lots of snow outside, cabin fever, that's it, I have a fever,lol.)
      I think its ok to venture off the beaten path, we learn each other, know each others likes, when I read what me fellow readers write, I see bits into your lives, I start to grow close to you as you do a new friend you've just met!
     Hoping you all had a great new year, and hoping nothing but peace and happiness for the upcoming year.
                   Please leave some comments, I luvs me some comments!